The last few hours I can’t stop thinking of our Dad, I have flashbacks of the things we have done, and how he would react or say things. Feeling a bit lonely course he is gone from July last year, and for the very first moment I’m struggling with it. Not that I ain’t big enough to handle it, but after helping so many people with their grieve of his dead, there is no one left to listing to me. I’m to late. Well I’m a big girl and know what to do in cases like this but a listening ear would be nice every now and then, even for me. I’m not from plastic and don’t have a concrete wall build around me. While I’m writing this, it’s a complete disaster in my head. I want to write it, but can’t get it on paper. Have to deal with a lot of emotions, and try to hold my tears back. My kids can’t see me like this, they have never saw my tears so they won’t see it now. Can’t forget the image of Dad while he was in Hospital, I was sitting on his bed and looking at him, deep, when I gave him a good-bye kiss and told him to be back soon, There was a very salty taste on his chin, but he wasn’t sweating at all. Didn’t think of it any more that period, but now when it’s still coming back I remember the taste and it’s leaving me in a bit of a shock. Two years ago I had the same taste myself . Man didn’t realize that I was so close to death, I did know I was I’ll, for a good one, but that close, the least you can say that I’m lucky to be here around and only left with Mr. Monas, so that I be able to go one with life. There is so much to tell, but some how it isn’t working for me, not for this moment.

Dimphy --

I know exactly how you feel. My father died two years ago and it's still hard to deal with it. He died in my arms, at home.I was undergoing radiation treatment for my tumor at the time. It was all a terrible nightmare. If you need to talk, write to me. Remembering the good times helps, but sometimes you need to cry.

Hang in there, my friend! It's okay to cry and to be sad.